#divorce

Grief

Sad

Grief is one of those multidimensional feelings because it occurs on so many levels. The morning I began drafting this article, unbeknownst to me, a coworker had lost her son the night before. When we lose someone the shock to our consciousness doesn’t really register it at first. There is a numbness, a disbelief, a denial that who we love is gone. Its not possible, they can’t be departed. And then our hearts begin to recognized the reality our minds don’t want to admit. It hurts a pain unequaled to anything else. Grief spans the dimensions of time because now we are flooded with memories of the fullness and richness of past and the stark cupboards of the future. When a feeling encompasses not only the boundaries of our heart but the space backwards and forwards in our life it can feel like there will never be an end to it. An overwhelm of emptiness. And if matters couldn’t be more encompassing our departed love ones take up residence in the physicality of our life. You recognize them in what they loved. All of their favorite things inhabit the living everywhere we look. Their favorite hat seems to be on everyone’s head you see at the store, their favorite song or color appears with an uncanny frequency. Once I was tending to a man with end stage pancreatic cancer who had only a few weeks to live. I remember so viscerally the weight of the moment his wife paused before the pellet stove on her way to the bathroom. She looked at the radiant heater and mumbled,” I am going to have to learn how to use that,” —a task in their 40 odd years of marriage she never tended to. Each time she feels the chill of the weather, she will feel the presence of his memory in that little black stove. The same kind of feelings occur when a breakup or divorce happens or when we lose a beloved pet. One of the most common themes I have seen in people that come to my healing circle is they feel “they should be over it by now, “ because its been x number of months or years and there is still a pain that won’t leave. We are all unique in the way we process what happens to us in life and how that takes place is highly individual. But it is always good to use the assistance of counselors and healers in these kinds of difficult times. Sharing our burdens eases the weight. No one can take away difficult feelings, but they can help lighten an unbearable load.