deep breathing

When the Glass Half Full Doesn't Work

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I awoke the other morning brooding in dismal disparity, resistant to allowing myself to feel.  It was a night of bad dreams and a long day ahead of a rent payer job. It’s what chickens do when they want to hatch their babies. They have to sit, to stay put until enough heat builds for their babies to hatch and emerge into the world. That was me, brooding on the concept of my of my unhatched potentials, brooding on the eggs of my depression. And then the conversation started in my mind, “... but you should be happy you have a good paying job, you should be grateful for where you are in your spiritual growth.” When that conversation ensued the realization came that the conversation itself was causing me greater pain, discomfort and disparity in who or what I think I should be. While seeing the glass half full can sometimes help shift our awareness, it can also create an enormous gap in our consciousness of what we think we should be and what we are actually experiencing. So I went back to my broody mood, remaining present to the feelings of sadness and frustration, breathing into them. And they shifted, they softened. I allowed them the space of their expression, honoring their existence as part of who I am and in doing so it made them more wearable to me. Rather than pushing them away with a brilliant mantra of how happy I should be, it was embracing and breathing into the difficult feelings that actually made genuine difference in how I feel